American Idol Wrap Up 3/23/10

Not a lot of time to do the re-cap this week, so I’ll have to make it quick. Here we go… So it’s the top eleven, the theme is “Top of the Billboard Chart” (which leaves the song choice wide open), and the musical mentor is the ubiquitous Miley Cyrus. Oh dear lord. Yes, I know she is quite accomplished for a seventeen-year-old, but shouldn’t there be a minimum age requirement for mentoring? And why is she dressed like a whore? Daisy Dukes? Really? Let’s move on…

Lee Dewyze: Lee sang “The Letter” with kind of a big band arrangement that I hated. Vocally he was pretty good. The judges were more impressed than I was. Randy said he knocked it out of the box. Ellen said he was her favorite pen. Kara said she never heard him sound better. Simon said it was corny and the song choice was bad. Bottom line: You want a letter? I’ll give you three: “B” for the vocals, “D” for song choice, “F” for arrangement. You’ve got to get your grades up, son, or the next letter you’ll be seeing will be the one indicating whether you’ll be sitting in a window or aisle seat.

Paige Miles: Paige sang “Against All Odds” and it was so off it was painful. Randy started by saying, “Yo man, yo, wow.” (And that never ends well.) He went on to say it was terrible. Ellen said at least she didn’t fall in those heels. Then she pulled a Paula by just telling her she looked beautiful and passing the critique to Kara. Kara said it may have been the worst vocal of the season (ouch). Simon said it was all over the place and she’s in serious trouble. Paige said she’s struggling with song choice. Oh, Paige, song choice is the least of your problems. Bottom line: You coming back to us would be against all odds indeed.

Tim Urban: Tim sang “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and gave one of the cheesiest performances of the season. Not even good cheese, but cheap, imitation, Velveeta grade cheese. And the slide? Is he stealing second? Stupid. I’ll give him this, though, I thought it was one of his better vocals. Randy said the vocals were boring. Ellen thought it was corny. Kara said he didn’t do much with the song. Simon said it was pointless and silly. Bottom line: You’re out!

Aaron Kelly: Aaron sang “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” and gave a pretty strong vocal. He’s so gosh darn wholesome my blood sugar just spiked. Randy said he was a fan. Ellen loved the song choice, and thought it was amazing. Kara said it was good stuff. Simon said there was zero chance he would go home. Bottom line: Don’t worry about the elimination, you won’t miss a thing. 

Crystal Bowersox: Crystal sang “Me and Bobby McGee” and really did her thing with her earth mother vibe and easy guitar. I though it got a little screamy at one point, but overall rock solid. Randy said that’s what it’s about, and he’s so happy. Ellen thought it was great, but wants to see more connection. Kara wants to see her let go completely. Simon said she shouldn’t change anything. She pointed out the little area rug she performed on, which was a bit odd, but at least she didn’t try to slide onto it like it was home plate. Bottom line: The magic carpet ride continues.

Michael Lynche: Michael sang “When a Man Loves a Woman” and did a nice job with smooth sounding vocals. Randy loved it. Ditto for Ellen. Kara said it was a bit boring and lost her connection. Simon said he should have simplified it. Now that he mentions it, there is a bit much tonight in terms of instruments. Almost everyone seems to backed by an entire marching band, like they’re singing in the middle of a parade. I feel like a troop of Girl Scouts is going to march by at any moment. Bottom line: He should march on through to next week.

Andrew Garcia: Andrew sang “I Heard it Through Grapevine.” Is it me, or are these people choosing the weirdest songs this week? There must be thousands of great songs they could choose from, yet I feel someone played a practical joke and switched the “#1 Songs on Billboard” list with the “Most popular Bar Mitzvah Songs” list. The hair is too poofy, and he’s pacing around and pointing at audience members like an auctioneer. What are we bidding on? I’ll give you $25 to stop. That’s $25, do I hear $30? Ugh. Randy said, “Dawg, it wasn’t good, man.” Ellen said she loves him, but it wasn’t fantastic. Kara said she felt bad for him, and he was confused. Simon thought he sucked the soul out of the song, and maybe they overrated him early on. Bottom line: I had high hopes for Andrew, but he continues to disappoint. He might make it to next week, but unless he steps it up his music career is on the block. Going once, going twice…

Katie Stevens: Katie sang Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and did it respectably. Is she wearing suspenders? Oh Katie, did we learn nothing from the fashion failings of Mork from Ork? The vocal sounded a little off in some parts, but I think overall it was pretty good. Randy likes that she listens to their feedback. Ellen thought it was her best performance so far. Kara said she has mad pitch issues, but this is the type of song for her. Simon said something about being right, and thought it was a good performance. Bottom line: Should be good for another week. And if it doesn’t work out she could maybe be a fireman.

Casey James: Casey sang Huey Lewis’ “Power of Love.” Why? I don’t know. Again, of all the songs to choose from? I don’t get it. Casey tells Miley he’s a big fan of her dad’s. Really? Billy Ray Cyrus has a big fan? Who knew? I bet you could hold the fan club meeting in a phone booth, and still have room to bring in a sandwich platter. Anyway… Vocally it was good. Hate, hate, HATED the song choice. Randy gave him props, but didn’t like the song choice. Ellen also disliked the song choice, but liked him. Kara said he was ready to make an album. Simon said there was no effort or originality and also hated the song choice. Bottom line: Good enough to get through, but needs to explore the power of song choice.

Didi Benami: As an unfortunate omen, Didi sang “You’re No Good.” Ryan introduced her with an incorrect last name (Benimi). Also a bad sign. It was weird. Very cabaret. The good news is that she apparently won an Olympic gold medal, which she is wearing on her waist. Randy loved the idea of it, but she never quite hit the pitch right. Ellen didn’t get the song choice. Kara said it felt dramatic like she was playing a character. Simon said it was ironic she was singing “you’re no good” over and over. Bottom line: If I were you, I would sell my bling to “cash for gold,” change my last name to Benimi, and get out of town.

Siobhan Magnus: Siobhan sang “Superstition” and looked oddly like Sheena Easton. She has a great voice, but the gratuitous screaming is getting on my nerves. Randy said she was fearless. Ellen loves her. Kara said it wasn’t her best performance, but was still great. Simon said the screaming was getting old (told ya!), and she had to start pushing herself. Bottom line: She should go screaming on through to next week.

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One Response to “American Idol Wrap Up 3/23/10”

  1. PurpleGirl Says:

    You’re spot on as usual, Fifth Judge! Love all your clever analogies to baseball, auctions, cheese and such; I especially like your “ubiquiitous Miley” reference (who you correctly noted was clad in typical trashy fashion ~ where are that girl’s parents?) You cracked me up with your Girl Scout parade as well (I was reading that as my son chomped on his stack of four Thin Mints ~ yum!)

    Re. contestant hair, just wanted to say that Screaming Siobhan’s do reminded me of Twilight’s Edward Cullen, and every week that Casey wears his down I want to scream. Is it me or is that guy cute only when he’s got a ponytail? And speaking of cute guys, I want to add to Lee’s report card: an A- from me (I am a teacher, I know these things) for simmering sexiness. Perhaps he’ll earn an A+ before the season is through!

    Thanks again for your posts, humor and insights. Hope Paige or Andrew goes tonight!

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