American Idol Wrap Up 4/6/10

First things first… apologies for last week. Yes, I bagged the blog. I had neither the time nor the energy. It happens. Actually, this season it happens every week, as I have grown weary of these judges and these alleged “best ever” contestants. Oh well. And we press on…

 So here we go. Cheesy introductions commence, along with the usual nonsense. Ryan announces that the theme will be Lennon/McCartney songs. What a rip off! No actual music mentor, just a videotaped message from Paul McCartney (who, by the way, seemed completely drunk).  Oh, come on! I like having a celebrity mentor who is actually there. I don’t know if you all realize this, but I am a celebrity whore. I am not ashamed to admit that I love celebrities. I like to read about them, I like to gossip about them, but more than anything I like to see them, if possible I like to touch them, and if given the opportunity, dammit I would lick them. There. I said it. So, in light of this information, you will understand why I feel cheated by the lack of a guest mentor. Can’t they get anyone to come to the show in person? I’ll take anyone – even Quentin Tarantino again. I feel cheated, and I type under protest. And just to add salt to the wound, since we don’t have any pre-performance footage to show where we see the contestant getting tips from the mentor, we instead have to suffer through cutesy intro videos that feature clips of the contestants “describing” each other. Whatever, here we go…

 Aaron: He’s first up with “The Long and Winding Road.” And what do the other contestants say about Aaron? Apparently they call him “Yoda” and turn everything he says into a Yoda-esque line, at which point we get to hear a bad Yoda impersonation from pretty much all of them. Boy, that’s not annoying at all. Anyway, the performance was pretty solid, but a little slow. Randy said it was sleepy. Ellen said it felt like a long and winding song. Kara (who is getting on my last nerve) said he needs to up the tempo. Simon asked him why he chose the song, and called him “sweetie.” Weird. Bottom line: Don’t worry sweetie, those tweenies will keep you on this road for at least another few weeks.

Katie: The cutesy behind-the-scenes scoop on Katie is that she’s like a kid sister and she loves to dance. Wow. That was the most riveting piece of journalism I’ve seen since we learned Aaron’s nickname is Yoda. We also learn that she has been inundated with prom invitations. Excellent. She sang “Let it Be” and did a good job. Her vocal was very solid. Randy said it was her best performance ever. Ellen said there’s no way she’ll be in the bottom three. Kara said she was blossoming. Simon said she followed his advice and leaned toward a country style, thus resulting in success. Side note: I HATE when they ask these kids (Aaron and Katie in particular) why they chose the song and what it means to them, and the kids try to give a meaningful response and end up saying something stupid like: I, uh, chose “The Long and Winding Road” because being on the show is like, uh, a long and winding road. Or: Umm, well, I chose “Let It Be” because I really just, umm, need to, like, let things go and just, you know, let it be. Oh for heaven’s sake. That is just useless. Moving on… Bottom line: Although she was really good tonight, she is a frequent bottom dweller, and I think her time could be up at any moment. The good news is that if she’s voted off, she’ll be able to, you know, just, umm, like, let it be.

 Andrew: According to the other contestants, Andrew is the life of the party. Oh what fun. It must be those Yoda impressions. Anyway, he sings “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Pay attention Katie – this is what the prom band will sound like. Not loving this one – and I really do like Andrew a lot. Randy thought it was solid but corny. Ellen loved it. Kara wants to see more. Simon said it was wedding-like and corny. He’s right. Too much back-up band. I think it would have been much more effective with just him and his guitar. And on a side note, Andrew’s hair is way too puffy. I think he’s trying to look taller, but it just looks stupid. Bottom line: He deserves another week, but he really needs to do more. If he puffed up his performance as much as the hair, I think we’d be on to something.

 Michael: Intro video: The others think he’s a big teddy bear, and he has an annoying way of entering a room. He basically bursts in and squeaks out a sort of high pitched “heeeeyaaahh” that makes him look and sound like Mike Tyson stepping on a tack. Boy, I’m so glad I learned that about him. Now I feel complete. Mike sang “Eleanor Rigby.” When it started I was afraid it would be a bit much with the staging and all the strings (self indulgent as Simon would say), but I thought he sang it quite well. Randy loved that he was “feeling himself.” Oh my, I once saw a guy on a subway doing that, but I’m pretty sure he got arrested for it. Ellen thought it was incredible. Kara thought it was “fire.” Simon thought it sounded like it belonged in a musical, and was over the top. Mike took the opportunity to compare pecs with Simon (whose “pecs” are quite vivid tonight under his thin little undershirt). Ick. Really, boys. Ick. Bottom Line: He had me at “heeeeyaaahh.”

 Crystal: So in the intro video we learn that they call her “mama sox,” because as Siobhan explains, “It’s not just because she literally is a mother, but…“ Ok, I totally thought Forrest was going to say, “because she also wears socks.” Didn’t you? Instead she said Crystal has a mothering personality. Fascinating. Crystal sang “Come Together.” Oddly enough, she was accompanied on stage by a fellow playing a didgeridoo. Yes, a didgeridoo – that’s Australian for “I think the cows ate chili for dinner.” Oh what a lovely sound. Gosh that’s soothing. She sounds great, but I think she forgot the lyrics for a second there. None of the judges point it out, though. They quite liked it overall. Bottom line: She picked the dumbest musical accompaniment ever, she forgot the words, and yet she still pulled it off. Now that’s talent.

Tim: So the others share that Tim smiles all the time. We know. We also see that he has Beatles style hair tonight. Uh, yuh. There’s a reason that look has been out of style for over 40 years – it’s ridiculous. He looks like there is a constant, steady current of air that blows his hair to the right all day long. Anyway, He sang “All My Loving” and surprisingly, his performance is not bad. Randy said Tim was in his own category (I think it’s called the “mediocre” category), and it was a good “Tim” performance. Ellen thought he did well. Kara liked the guitar. Simon said he was good, and takes criticism like a man. Bottom line: Keep smiling, Tim. The airline check-in people love that.

Casey: So, the others share that Casey has a big, loud laugh, and his hair is flowing and angelic. Yep. He sang “Jealous Guy” and gave a very emotional, stripped down performance. I HATE the hair down. Get yourself to the barber, Meg Ryan. Take Tim with you. Anyway, I thought this was a great night for Casey – I liked him more than ever. Randy dug it, Ellen was moved. Kara said he showed vulnerability, and generally seemed to enjoy hearing herself talk. Simon said it was the best performance of the night. Bottom line: He should sail on through, wind in his hair, laughing heartily all the way.

Siobhan: It is revealed in the intro video that the others think she’s weird, oh sorry – “unique.” Duh. She sang “Across the Universe” and was clearly very comfortable singing about her inter-planetary travels. In a shocking twist, there is no screaming tonight from Siobhan, which I was very pleased about. The outfit is “unique.” She looks like she’s the bride at roller derby wedding. Strange. Anyway, Randy said it was sleepy, but he liked the tender side. Ellen said she was special. Kara said it was very polite, and she’s trying to process it. Simon said she was unpredictable. Then Ryan brought some crazy stalker up from the audience to give Siobhan a hug. Super. Bottom line: She obviously has Earl the stalker’s vote, so she’ll be fine.

 Lee: We learn that Lee is a worry wart, and thinks he’s going to be voted off every week. Silly Lee, I think he’s confusing himself with Tim. He sang “Hey Jude.” And what’s this? At the end of the song, in what apparently is meant to be a big finale, out marches…a bagpiper? You cannot be serious. The one instrument that’s actually more grating than a didgeridoo. What the hell is going on here? This is apropos of NOTHING. Are they trying to show how artsy and creative they can be? Maybe next week someone could have a man dressed in lederhosen walk out in the middle of the song and start yelling: Riiiiiiicolaaaaaaa. Because that would really prove that we are in the presence of a deep and important artist. I like Lee, I really do, but I did not love this performance. And the bagpiper was completely nonsensical. Randy told Lee to believe. Ellen loved the bagpiper, and loved the performance. Kara said she was a fan. Simon said he didn’t know what they were drinking back at the house, and he wouldn’t have done that. Right on, Simon. Bottom line: Bag the bagpipes, ditch the didgeridoos, and just sing. If you do that, Lee, you might even stop worrying so much.

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One Response to “American Idol Wrap Up 4/6/10”

  1. PurpleGirl Says:

    Oh, how I missed you, Fifth Judge! I’ve obsessively checked your blog every day since your last post ~ and was rewarded today with this newest entry! Love the comments, esp. about several of the guys’ hair ~ struck me the funniest for some reason was your insightful comment on Tim’s ridiculous 40-year-old style. Ridiculous ~ so true! Thanks for the laughs and for taking time to post and make my lunch break here at work. Keep it up ~ this season is the pits in many ways, as you yourslef note, but at least there’s you!!!

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